Adoption Survivor

dealing with it

Adoptees: have you mostly gained or lost in being given up and adopted?

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In what ways?

Best Answer – Chosen by Asker

what have i lost?

i’ve lost so much, it’s barely fathomable.

my culture, my history, my identity. i was emotionally deprived and sexually abused. i lost my innocence. i lost my childhood. i was always an alien, being the only minority i knew. because of my abuse, i made choices that affected my entire adult life, not realizing i had more options. i never had a sense of belonging or love. i grieve the loss of my pre-memory mother. i sometimes imagine i can feel her holding me. that is the biggest loss of all.

all the arguments about adoption providing a better life just don’t hold water. my birth country is now a major first world economy. the status of women is increasing as the economy increases. they have excellent schools and high tech jobs.

here in america, i have been a ship without a rudder, sad and extremely isolated – by my looks, by my experiences, by my lack of significant or meaningful connection to anything.

what have i gained?

well, they say that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. i almost killed myself, so i must be really strong.

what i have gained is a terrible insight into the mind of a pedophile, the pathology of adopting for the wrong reasons, the perspective of a target of racism, and the glimpse of the american dream from the very bottom. i have conquered all and made myself a success and earned respect. and i have learned that none of that matters.

what matters is how you touch people, one on one.
what matters is knowing you are loved.
and to never, ever, abandon anyone.

so the biggest thing i’ve gained is a value system based on caring for the emotional well-being of others and respecting human dignity.

but if all this pain was the prerequisite to this knowledge i have, then i’d rather have gained nothing. all i really want is to be embraced and cared for and experience one moment of being a child in its mothers unconditionally loving arms.

Asker’s Rating:
5 out of 5
(((almost human)))

Thanks for your honesty.

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Written by girl4708

September 21, 2008 at 8:21 am

Posted in Q&A

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