What does “feelings of abandonment” actually mean?
Sorry if this seems like a stupid question, but what do feelings of abandonment actually feel like? How does it actually make you feel? Do you feel alone? How does it affect your life growing up? Do you have difficulty with trust and forming relationships with others?
Sorry, I am not trying to be stupid or insensitive, I just don’t really know what it feels like. I’m doing a project for school about adoption, and I think it’ll be a lot better if I can actually understand what it’s like to be adopted.
All answers appreciated. The more details the better, please.
Thanks so much. :)
I’m still in denial about this. I’m actually pretty cut off from my emotions and can’t describe what I’m feeling most of the time. I only found out about this, and that I probably have it, because other people tell me I must feel this way. So I’m still deducing what it actually is/feels like, and the way I do that is by surveying everything else, since the abandonment issue is like a hole that can’t be defined.
What I can do, however, is tell you the symptoms of what might indicate this feeling:
People who are warm and inviting cause alarms in my head to go off, and I push them away.
I expect everyone to be forthright and honest, and am always disappointed: my standards are so high no one can possibly meet them, and I am highly critical of everyone who gives up and/or is selfish in a relationship.
I never believe people I want to be close to will bother being vested in me, so I don’t bother to try.
“I’m a loner!” I say too often, as if it were something to be proud of.
I don’t join things or participate in things: I belittle such social activities as trite, superficial, and a waste of time.
When others around me are forming relationships, I count the days until its demise.
I don’t believe anything real lasts anything longer than a blink of an eye.
I don’t take down phone numbers. I don’t call. I don’t visit anyone. It seems like a waste of time and effort.
I believe everyone, friends, especially, will eventually **** on me.
I always keep my emotions under control. I disdain those that don’t.
How does this all add up? How does this feel? It feels like I am in a fight, and I’m always prepared for the worst. If I let down my guard, then something really horrible could happen.
I guess that something is abandonment.
Now, don’t get me wrong – I’m not totally socially inept – people like me, some think I’m charming, some admire me, many respect me, some even love me. But there is always this inaccessible part of me that I will always keep remote and protect. And if I let anyone go there, I feel I will die.