“people will have ignorant expectations based on stereotypes about you, and you will always have to explain your background, your lack of history,and your lack of culture to people.”

God yes… at the doctor’s, every time I’m asked about my family history, I have no clue. None. And then I have to explain why. *sigh*

Let’s not even go in that direction when I’m faced with immigrants.

“you will learn about your culture but it will be ACADEMIC and you will be torn between its added imposition and a yearning to fully know it, which is impossible unless you repatriate.”

I used to think going to the Mandarin was authentic Chinese food. Ha. Ha. Ha. NO. No way in hell is it the real authentic stuff. It’s good; I enjoy it, but it’s SO Americanized that I want to laugh out loud when I hear that someone else thinks it’s ‘real’ Chinese food. No, buddy, real Chinese food is that weird, unrecognizable food (it’s weird, but GOOD!) served in dimsum places and you eat with CHOPSTICKS and have ‘real’ Chinese tea! And they serve the food in wooden bowls and give you a bowl specially designed for sauce and another bowl specially designed for sticky rice, etc.

“you will meet other people of your culture, but there’s no way to connect to them. they will speak to you in their tongue. you will awkwardly explain you can’t speak in their tongue/your should-be tongue. they will walk away, disappointed in you and sad for you.”

TOO DAMNED TRUE.

I’ve met immigrants and tried to converse with them, but it’s like there’s a wide gulf of an ocean between us. They know variations of the culture they left behind; we have NOTHING of that culture whatsoever. And of course, it’s not trying to speak the language will help you – you still can’t understand THEIR conversations.

Immigrant: Hey… can you understand what we’re saying?
Me: Um.. no. Not really.
Immigrant: Really? How come? *head tilt*
ME: Er… I was adopted.
Immigrant: Really?!? So do you know ANY Mandarin at all?
Me: A little.
Immigrant: Oh *disappointed tone* I see.

Yeah, I get that you pity me, Immigrant-who-came-to-Canada-3-years-ago. I don’t need to see that expression on your face to remind me that I’m “just” a foreigner. I have enough reminders in my face all the time when I try to find out more about my birth country, thanks.

“your parents will want to talk about adoption, but you know they can’t handle anything negative you might feel about it.”

Ah, yes, The Fog. My parents believe in the whole “God led you to us” component. I smile and act like I believe them.

Because if it weren’t for that belief, I think a lot of adoptive parents would sort of “crash and burn” at what their actions have implied – the fact that no higher deity *really* whispered to them that Katie Leung-Hua Cheng was born on June 8th, 1993 – JUST FOR THEM. If it weren’t for that belief, a lot of adoptive parents would also be psychologically destroyed because they’d have to really realize that their actions did have a consequence beyond “Child would have grown up in an orphanage” – that there *should* have been a third option.

Because I’m pretty sure if that the One-Child Policy did not exist, people would still wish it DID just so they could have a baby.

But they will never admit that, because otherwise where would they turn to get an infant? Korea? Vietnam?

Sorry for the rant.

http://about-orphans.blogspot.com

i would prefer if adoption did not need to exist at all. but until we fix society and provide support and education for natural parents in distress, then abused children need to find good homes. i would prefer guardianship. however, i am a pragmatist, and until there is an exit strategy created for the elimination of adoption, then i will support the adoption of abused children and special needs children from foster homes.

this position i have is only until a viable alternatives are presented and implemented, and i am happy to support anything that should something viable be proposed. i would love nothing more than for adoption to become an old and forgotten archaic term from an earlier barbaric time.

I may have been mistaken by referring to boards at all. I meant to refer to the salaries of people running these non-profit adoption agencies.

see http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/14774

I too take one exception – but its’ a fairly big one. Please do not encourage the separation of mother and their children whether internationally, inter-racially – or domestic and of the same skin color. While those adopted domestically do not feel ALL of the issues you do, and many “blend in” better” – they too have the exact same questions about why they were not raised by their mothers and exactly who their fmaily is. They too wonder why their mothers were given the support they needed to raise them.

They too feel rejected and abandoned!

And their mothers suffer the very same loss, as well. An irrevocable grief.

Bottom line: Adoption hurts. Adoption separates fmailies and adoption should always be a last resort! it should not be promoted and romanticized.

Children all over thr world deserve the right to be raised by their families. When there is absolutely no extended family member who can do that – then an alteraive, substite safe, sable situation needs to be found. This needs to be done, howver, without severing the child’s connection to his family of origins – or theirs to him!

Mirah Riben VP Communications, Origins-USA.org
author, “The Stork Market: America’s Multi Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry”

One note, just a picky little thing: Nonprofit board members are not legally allowed to earn a salary from being on a board. In fact, if they do not make large donations regularly, or connect the organization with major donors, they are fired. Most nonprofit board members DONATE in excess of $100,000 PER YEAR. Obviously, nonprofit board members generally make a very good income in order to do this, but they earn it somewhere else. It is very different from for-profit boards.

Some CEOs and Directors may earn six figures working for a nonprofit adoption agency, but it is still much less than similarly qualified people make in for-profit jobs with similar responsibility. (Or less responsiblility – manufacturing widgets isn’t nearly as important as deciding where children live.) All nonprofit employees are expected to donate some back to the organization.